January 2012
24 posts
7 tags
Shit shits say:
Jan 25th
5 tags
Jan 25th
9 tags
Jan 24th
66 notes
8 tags
WTDiet?
Nutrisystem’s new slogan is: “Get On It!” Jenny Craig (pushing just Jenny) is: “Make It Happen!” I suggest Weight Watchers just go: “Have Sex.”
Jan 23rd
5 tags
For The Pin!
Jan 22nd
4 tags
Do greeting card companies
get some kind of huge discount on glitter? or what!
Jan 22nd
5 tags
Hey Five Guys,
Thanks for the 5-pound bag of French fries. Can you now figure out how to cook them all evenly?
Jan 21st
9 tags
"Hey Girl" (theme from "New Girl") - ¡En español!
¡Oye, chica! ¿Qué estás haciendo? ¡Oye, chica! ¿A dónde vas? ¿Quién es esa chica? ¿Quién es esa chica? ¡Es Jess!
Jan 21st
3 notes
5 tags
“Wait, was that the same footage?”
– Sterling Archer on “Archer”
Jan 20th
4 tags
“Bobby Newport. Bobby Newport. Bobby Newport.”
–  Parks and Recreation
Jan 20th
2 notes
6 tags
Fausto Carmona
really Roberto Hernandez Heredia. Used false identity when signed with Cleveland Indians; how very faustian! #litnerds 
Jan 20th
7 tags
Jan 19th
4 tags
If there's no Internet,
I’m SO-napping. Wake me up when it’s back.
Jan 18th
5 tags
When was:
the last time you thought of the word “buttocks.” I’ll tell you when; just now, perv.
Jan 17th
7 tags
I'm sexist
and I know it. #wigglewigglewigglewigglewiggleyeah
Jan 17th
4 tags
Really, Prince?
Your response to “Everybody’s got a bomb, we could all die any day” is “Ow.”
Jan 14th
6 tags
Another lyric
I can’t stop hearing/giggling (thanks to @katerados) Kanye West: “You are now watching the throne, don’t let me get a calzone!”
Jan 12th
5 tags
The past tense of breakdance
…is brokedance?
Jan 7th
5 tags
Wonder if...
“The Artist” will have a sequel starring Erykah Badu called “I’mma Artist: And I’m Sensitive About Ma’ $h!%”
Jan 6th
2 notes
4 tags
“Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle,...”
–  the immortal words of LMFAO
Jan 3rd
1 note
6 tags
New Year's Resolution #2, #1 & #67
Read, Write, ‘rithmetic.
Jan 2nd
3 tags
New Year's Resolution #12
Change all passwords. Subsequently remember those passwords.
Jan 1st
1 note
3 tags
Jan 1st
1 note
2 tags
New Year's Resolution #7
Unsubscribe from all those email lists that clutter my mailbox.
Jan 1st
December 2011
26 posts
7 tags
Patience + Faith = Calm
Someone check my math.
Dec 28th
2 notes
3 tags
"Whoop-dee-doo"
How is this NOT a sarcastic Christmas lyrics? - Andy Williams’ “Happy Holiday - The Holiday Season” (medley)
Dec 24th
5 tags
Why are we not
pronouncing it like “range” of there’s an “e” at the end of Jessica Lange?
Dec 22nd
2 notes
5 tags
Misheard Christmas lyric:
“It is the knight of our deer-savior’s birth.”
Dec 22nd
3 tags
Early Onset Stupidity's =
Taking off my glasses, opening my contacts case, fishing into my eyeball for the contact that is not there (yet). “Where IS this thing?”
Dec 22nd
5 tags
I think the book "Game Change"
… was a Game Changer for the term Game Changer.
Dec 22nd
1 note
3 tags
Don't let anyone take your happy...
but do share it.
Dec 21st
8 tags
Dec 21st
10 notes
4 tags
“I don’t have a choice, but I still choose you.”
–  The Civil Wars’ “Poison & Wine”
Dec 19th
5 notes
2 tags
A man approached me Saturday...
and asked if I was on TV. Although I have been, I was sure I was not who he was thinking of, so I politely said no. Then said “I’m just Marc Anthony.”
Dec 19th
4 tags
"Jesus, Lord at thy birth..."
No pressure, kid.
Dec 16th
1 note
7 tags
My horoscope says to:
“Be open to the written word today, because something important could come your way.” Okay world, I’m reading.
Dec 15th
3 tags
Caught myself this morning
- after hearing someone say “I didn’t do nothing” - saying (aloud): “I didn’t do ANYthing.”  #wordnerd
Dec 14th
Dec 12th
Dec 12th
4 tags
I literally just...
spilled ham juice on my comforter. No joke.
Dec 8th
3 tags
Dec 7th
2 notes
2 tags
Rave! (more horn-tooting)
http://bit.ly/tureview
Dec 7th
5 tags
Hmm,...
maybe trying out Bon Iver in the existential headspace I’m in today isn’t smart.
Dec 6th
2 tags
Horn: Tooted
http://bit.ly/mireview
Dec 5th
Dec 5th
5 tags
That's a first:
I somehow folded over my contact IN MY EYE while rubbing it. And it stayed in. 
Dec 2nd
4 notes
5 tags
4 which:
• four Richards tanned • for richer Stans • four widget stands • for Richard’s stand
Dec 1st
5 tags
“We are nearer to Spring than we were in September, I heard a bird sing in the...”
– Oliver Herford (and used in http://bit.ly/MiCasaTuCasa)
Dec 1st
Dec 1st
Dec 1st