Work: it’s that thing that gets in the way of social media posts.– @Ernio
Life: it’s that thing that happens between social media posts.– @Ernio
Oh yeah, Paula Vogel wrote to me today.
Wait, have I been saying "Babel" wrong this whole...
Why does every Mumford & Sons song make me: • Yearn for my childhood • Wish it was winter/snowing • Want to learn to play banjo
I look at you and I fantasize. You’re mine tonight.– Eric Carmen #creepyoutofcontextlyrics
Did you know...?
When it snows, my eyes become large. Oh, and the light that you shine, yeah, it can’t be seen.
Ways I dealt with the break in the baseball...
• TiVoed Yankees vs. Boston series and mini-marathon/rationed it over two days. • Watched Yankees Old Timer’s Day I had saved. • Played softball. • Caught the All-Star Game. • Read Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) tweets about baseball and physics. Does it disturb anyone else that “The Los Angeles Angels” baseball team translates directly to “The The Angels...
Money, power, and respect. Whatchu’ need in life. Money, power, and...– Lil’ Kim cares about your health
…everyone turns to see This beautiful lady That’s walking around...– Eric Clapton
Thank you so much… for correctly identifying me.– Conan O’Brien to the cheers of “Conan! Conan!”
An eager carpenter I just met:
“This is crazy, but here’s my lumber, so call me maybe?”
Not every little girl gets to do what they want; the world could not support...– Marie Calvet (Julia Ormond) on “Mad Men”
What is the male equivalent of
a (crazy) cat lady? Cat man sounds too cool and cat gentleman too fancy. ?
Can't we be civil?
Why are so many reality television shows named “[INSERT WORD HERE] WARS”?
Calvin Harris: I feel so close to you right now...
Me: Dude, get off of me.
I don't sell myself short;
all I have in stock is tall or medium.
Quick battle-to-the-death poll:
Orson Welles or Ernest Hemingway?
This weather has brought me to
eating donuts and watching Smash.
Due to the inclement weather,
the previously-scheduled party rock is in the house tonight.
The ball took a bad hop and hit me in my breast…” “Are we on?– Sue Simmons and Chuck Scarborough of (WNBC) News 4 New York at 11
This is the POTTERY that you’re never gonna ever take away from me…– Katy Perry lyrics as revised by @katerados
My drag queen name would be:
First we’d say: Luke, your friend Walt has a cold, you shouldn’t go...– Phil Dunphy’s plan for breaking bad news slowly on “Modern Family”
I had a dream wherein I apparently made up a song for a New Kids on the Block sketch/parody video. Can I get royalties on my unconscious songwriting?
I just got the biggest hankering for a bowl of Cocoa Puffs.
Can we start a Facebook campaign
to get Betty White off the bottom of my TV screen?
Had a dream last night where a bus driver dude wore a light blue shirt with (subtly) sparkly letters that read: HAVANA SUNDAY. Lol, what?!!
Watchin the Throne...
“You know how many hot benches I own?!”
is the plural, right? Yes.
Whoa, Fat Betty...
I've got so much cardboard right now...
I could host a breakdance tournament. #bustit
James' Brown shirt:
This is a Man’s shirt This is a Man’s shirt and it wouldn’t fit nothing NOTHING… like a woman’s or a girl’s.
That awkward moment when...
someone you haven’t spoken to/thought of “Likes” a comment of yours out of the blue - not the status, but a comment.
Maybe I was alone in this...
but I was worried about Y2K…2 with the #LeapYear yesterday.
These are not pajama jeans, they’re pjoveralls.– Penny from “Happy Endings”
Will it rain frogs tomorrow?
I learned a lesson: Never half-ass two things, whole-ass one thing.– Ron Swanson